“Your faith can move mountains and your doubt can create them.” Anonymous
I can recall being told that I was a worrier from the time that I was very little. My mother would tell of when I was a small child in my crib calling out to her and my father. “It’s dark. I’m worried.”
Worry was part of my wiring. Having faith meant trusting without seeing, and that did not come naturally.
As I have mentioned in my previous blog post, I always believed in God but after I was baptized at around 10 it had a marked affect on me. Once I even wrote a song with my best friend called “Fear No Evil.” Fear of the dark unknown now had a name.
The teenage years are now a blur of activities that were for the most part benign but did involve some rather unhealthy behaviors involving alcohol, and minor drugs. Still, God was in my life then, and I have many memories of sensing his presence including once while reading the Psalms when the words “No one is good, not even one” seemed to jump off the page. But the big changes in my faith didn’t occur until adulthood.
It was when I was married with children when the trouble really began. Working to provide for the family was my focus. We had joined a small church, but it did not last. Eventually, due to financial pressure we had to move back to my hometown. Things got more dysfunctional. I sought help through a counselor and ended up at a support group. A man about my age listened to me pour my heart out to him while standing in a church parking lot. He offered to help me. I took him up on it.
After meeting with him for several months, I had a spiritual awakening. I had been working through my past and had uncovered some difficult memories but knew it was helping somehow. In a hotel room late one night, there was a pastor on TV preaching. Strangely, I don’t remember his name, or the TV show, or anything particular he said. But when prompted, I knelt down at the side of the bed and said a prayer submitting myself to God.
The next morning felt like a dream. I remember I was on a job working outside at this large open field and the sky was a brilliant blue. The wind was blowing in the trees. Everything looked new, fresh, and so much more beautiful.
Another event which shaped my faith, was a special trip overseas where God spoke to me clearly about being the man I was meant to be. Later, I was installed as a leader at my church.
Eventually, as discussed previously, my marriage fell apart. But, through a series of unimaginable events I ended up being a working fulltime single parent. I became even more busy at my church after this. Then, I met the love of my life.
She blew into my life like a spring breeze which comes out of nowhere and takes you with it.
She had children of her own. After many confirmations during a yearlong dating process, we married and formed a new family.
While we were dating we often talked about our faith and the Bible. I remember asking her once if she believed in 6 day creation as described in Genesis. When she said yes, I admitted I was no so sure.
I then told her about this guy on the internet who I was watching a lot. He had these 15 min or less video rants about why evolution didn’t make sense. They were humorous and interesting as well.
I remember going back I forth in my thinking.
How could all my professors and most of the scientific community be wrong about evolution?
The answers we about to come.